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Photography by Heidi Abbott of thriveseniors.com
This month my husband and I have been completing the 31 Day Pursuit Challenge books: Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit by Ryan and Selena Frederick of the blog, Fierce Marriage. We are 2 weeks in, and I have really been enjoying this challenge. These books are excellent for Christian couples who want to strengthen their marriage through scripture and pursuing each other daily. We decided to start the new year with a renewed focus on our marriage.
Jobs, household responsibilities, CHILDREN… It all can cause us to put our marriage on the back burner. My husband and I have always made sure that when we feel this start to happen (and it does happen) we take a step back and refocus on each other. Stopping to look at how you are (or aren’t) pursuing each other helps us recognize when we are feeling disconnected early on.
The “Challenge”
The Pursuit Challenge did indeed start to become a “challenge” for us. It wasn’t because any of the daily pursuits or readings were difficult to accomplish or things we didn’t want to do. They are all sweet and enjoyable. It’s just that January has proven to be a crazy month for us this year. Max is still working as a seasonal driver for UPS and has been getting home really late most days. This has made things a little difficult to keep pursuing each other EVERY SINGLE DAY.
It is important to note that Max and I were not in an unhappy place in our relationship when we decided to do this. We believe that our marriage is strong because we continually maintain it. This was a way that we wanted to continue to show love for each other. Again, when we start to feel our marriage moving to the back burner, we try to bring it right back up front.
In our daily videos on Facebook we discuss a lot about how when life gets crazy it can be easy to forget to pursue each other. I will be honest and say that there are days we don’t even actually see each other!
Because I work for VIPKid, I get up at 3 am to teach English to Chinese students. This means I go to bed extremely early. Max often gets home after I’ve gone to bed. Doing this challenge made us realize how often we have days like this that we don’t see each other.
Day 1
On the first day, Max and I kicked off with a video. We were both very excited and actually completed our “challenges” pretty early!
Our hope was to do daily (or almost daily) videos to help us stay accountable. When doing something like this, it’s easy to let the days that are difficult cause you to just forget about it. We knew this was something we wanted to finish.
Creating the videos proved to be a lot of fun and added to the experience for us. There were days when going into it, I just really wasn’t in the mood, but once we started it became fun and reminded me why we’re doing this to begin with!
First 15 days of Pursuing Each other
After completing 15 days of this challenge, I have noticed that both of us are more conscious in our efforts to serve and love each other.
On the third day, both the Husband in Pursuit and the Wife in Pursuit books had a similar focus. We were supposed to think about the many distractions that we allow into our lives that keep us from spending time with God and focusing on each other.
How many times have you been with your spouse and one or both of you are Facebooking on the phone while you’re supposed to be together? It happens to even the most loving and caring couples. Whether it be social media, TV, or something else, we all have distractions that get in the way of our relationships.
This day was a little difficult for us to complete because once again, schedules. Our challenge was to spend an evening together with no phones, no TV, etc. Max got home from work at 8:30. I had to wake up the next morning at 3:00.. This meant, we really couldn’t spend much time together.
The important thing that we are taking from this is that we simply make an effort. Sure, some days it’s difficult to “pursue” each other, but we should be conscious of it and make an effort to set time for each other. If we aren’t going to see each other, making sure to text or leave a note lets the other person know that they are appreciated.
Day 11: Friendship
I think that my favorite chapter so far has been Day 11. If you haven’t read our love story in a previous post, you probably don’t know that Max and I have been friends since we were kids (second grade). We were definitely friends before we were lovers!
Friendship is SO important in a marriage. I think that because our marriage was borne out of a strong friendship, our relationship has been so fun. We are each other’s best friends!
We talk about the things that make us FRIENDS in the Day 11 video and get a little tickled about how dumb our inside jokes are (OK, I get tickled). Check it out on our Facebook page (see below)!
How the Books are Impacting Us
These books are not telling us anything magical and secret that we haven’t ever heard or experienced in our relationship. It’s not like any of the topics make you say, “Oh, I’ve never heard of that!” But it gives you daily ways to be thoughtful and conscious about the ways that you and your spouse are pursuing each other.
We probably KNOW that speaking words of encouragement to our spouse is important and will strengthen our bond, but do we implement it? Do we make an effort to pursue our spouse every day?
We have really felt that this challenge helped us with this. We now have a specific goal for our day in pursuing each other. How can I help my husband feel encouraged? What is something I can do to serve him?
My Takeaways (so far)
Many
- Pursue Christ first! Strengthening your relationship with God will ultimately improve your relationship with your spouse. God IS love. When we are closer to Him, our ability to love is magnified!
- Speak words of love and encouragement. Many of the chapters emphasized how we speak to our spouses. Are we using words to uplift and empower them? Are we nagging and complaining?
- Have fun! Whether it be remembering your friendship as I mentioned before or having fun in the bedroom, 😉😉 don’t forget to have fun and enjoy each other!
Photography by Heidi Abbott of thriveseniors.com
Your Thoughts
We would love for you to experience a renewed pursuit of each other in your marriage! If pursuing each other sounds like something you want to focus on, I highly recommend these books! You can read these books as husband and wife, doing the challenge together or just you!
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I can’t believe it’s already mid-January! I feel like I just read your intro post on this! This sounds like such a fun challenge and I really enjoy seeing your update! I’m going to have to check it out!
I know! Time really does fly!
I am all about the friendship part. My husband and I were friends long before we dated and it makes all the difference in the world.
I totally agree!
I’m glad it’s going so well! Keep up the good work!
Thank you!
Love that you are sharing this openly with us! A strong marriage takes work in the best sort of way. Keep at it 😊
Can I just say how stinking CUTE you both are??? I am so happy you are so in love with one another.
Awww shucks! Thank you! Doing a video for the world to see is not really either of our “thing.” We usually spend a good 10 minutes getting each other psyched up before we push record lol
I love what you said about showing your spouse that you are thinking of them even if you can’t always spend time together. Some days are like that for us too, where our schedules don’t overlap a lot or at all. Now I am going to make a bigger effort to make sure my husband knows I am thinking of him by leaving a note or texting him. I love this challenge that you two are taking to strengthen your marriage. The things that we work on together with our spouse become stronger
How wonderful. It’s looks like these books are helpful in being more mindful towards each other. I’ve really enjoyed your updates.
So wonderful to be determined to keep your marr strong
Love reading your updates! Can’t wait for the next one!
I love that you two are doing this, and thanks for the update. I would love to try this with my husband
“Make an effort”. So simple yet so difficult sometimes.
Very true!
This seems like such a great activity to do with your spouse. I can see how it can really make you more aware of your habits!
I’ve been loving following your guys’ journey! This is great 🙂
Thank you! It’s been very rewarding!
Marriage is alot of work, but worth it! You are so right that life happens and with work, responsibilites and kids (+blogging!) its easy to forget your way. We are always looking for pointers for re-focusing on ‘us’ and this sounds like a great idea. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Stange I know…but while I write blogs, I have a very hard time reading books. I have attempted to read about 30 books - many of them self-help/relationship. I read through half of the pages of each book and then get bored and they sit on my shelf unfinished. The only books I ever completed were the first 2 twilight ones—but the third and the rest I couldn’t finish. Thanks for sharing-learning from others is really the only way I an learn.
Books are hard for me. 9 times out of 10 I get through half and get bored and most of them are self-care/relationship books. I learn by reading others success - thanks for sharing.
What a great concept! I like that you point out that it is not necessarily just to do when a relationship gets hard, but to do it because you choose to. Great challenge.
This is wonderful. My husband and I believe the same way. Our marriage and focusing on our marriage is a priority - and that’s definitely my passion. We are taking a much needed break this weekend to reconnect and getaway. We did a devotional from Fierce Marriage and enjoyed it. We’ll have to look into this challenge as well. Thanks for sharing your jounery so far!
What a great challenge! Wish you the best with that! Great post!
[…] Pursuing Each Other in a Strong Marriage […]
This sounds like such a fantastic challenge. I’m going to look into it. Thank you!
Great Post! It’s so important to be friends with your spouse!!
I am not married but these books sound like something that every couple reads. Thank you for sharing.
I agree that being friends is extremely important in a marriage. We read through these kinds of books when we were still in that honeymoon stage of our marriage and then about a decade or so into it, as well. Life takes many, many turns and certainly has the ability to wear on a relationship, but we’re 22 years, 12 moves and three kids into it at this point. It’s work ~ a LOT of HARD work, but if you are both in it and working together ~ it is so worth it.
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what a cute idea!
This is something my husband and I had to do as well specially after a new baby, sometimes little by little you start doing your own thing, there’s nothing like reconnecting, great post!
Absolutely! I totally agree.
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