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For the month of January, my husband and I decided to start the year with a focus on each other. To do this, we got each other the 31 Day Pursuit Challenge books, Wife in Pursuit and Husband in Pursuit. I will admit, there were some days that we missed and had to catch up on later, but I am glad that we did the challenge. After 31 days of focusing on strengthening our marriage and noticing each other’s needs, I took a lot from it. The important things we learned were to watch our words, argue productively, spend quality alone time together, and VERY importantly… the 15-SECOND KISS.
Yup. You read that right. 15 whole seconds. At least once a day. Doctor’s orders. Not really, I’m not a doctor.
Ryan and Selena Frederick of Fierce Marriage have written multiple, wonderful books to help Christian couples focus on their marriage and on God. The 31 Day Pursuit was a challenge not just to reconnect with your spouse, but to reconnect with Christ. When we are closer to God, our relationships (of all types) become better. Because God pursues and loves us, we are able to pursue one another!
One of the things that the books talked about was kissing your spouse for 15 seconds. They said that making sure to take time to REALLY kiss one another can make a huge difference in your relationship. I really started thinking about it and all the benefits that this practice can bring.
When you first think about it, it seems a little silly. It even seems like a pretty shallow thing, but the power of a kiss is pretty incredible. Much more meaningful than just what we get physically from it (although that’s nice too!)
Our 15-Second Kiss
So when it was time to complete this challenge it felt really silly. Not because we don’t like kissing or because kissing is silly, but because we were doing it because our books told us to.
The first thing we realized is that Max and I are really bad at taking things seriously. It wasn’t a romantic kiss because it, of course, started with “Ready, Set, Go!” (Thanks, Max).
He asked, “Should I get a timer?”
“No… Just kiss for 15 seconds…”
“Do we have to count then?”
“No. Just a long kiss. Like romantic…”
“OK… Ready, set…”
“Don’t do that”
“OK.”
*start kissing*
*Max starts counting while kissing* “Momne, mu, mree”
“Oh my gosh, stop!”
Needless to say, we were laughing and being really silly the whole time. But all of our kisses for the rest of the night that
Benefits of the 15-Second Kiss
Communication
Those of you that have been married a while know that communicating to your spouse often means more than just telling them something with words. We communicate best through our actions.
I can SAY that my husband’s needs and feelings are a priority to me, but when I’m constantly moving, giving him halfhearted attention, and hardly looking at him, much less touching and kissing him, am I really communicating it to him?
A 15-second kiss is a way to stop and communicate to your spouse that they are a priority. Take time every day, multiple times a day in this simple gesture to remember that you shouldn’t ever be too busy to take a few minutes to give each other a moment that’s just theirs.
With a long kiss, you are telling your partner a lot of things. The thing that makes this habit so impactful is because it’s more than just a kiss. It’s time… It’s closeness… By stopping for even just that brief moment, you are communicating that they matter. Your relationship with them, their physical needs, everything. It is important to you.
You are also communicating your desire for them. Even though I am very attracted to my husband, it can be easy to forget to SHOW that I do in fact desire him. We all love this, but I feel that for husbands it’s important to feel that desire from their wives.
When I stop and give my husband that long kiss, that moment that’s meant just for him, I communicate my desire for him. And vice versa! Ladies, don’t you love when your husband stops you from your super important task, holds your head to give you that deep, passionate kiss that tells you he really wishes he could just whisk you away? Yeah, that’s the best. Why not start making that an everyday thing? Maybe it was at some point. Bring it back!
Closeness
It’s hard not to feel closer after sharing a long kiss. Even in happy marriages, work, kids, and just all around stress can cause the two of you to become distant from each other. This does happen. It’s not that we don’t like each other during those times or even that we’re unhappy with each other. We just feel like we’re near each other physically but not close to each other in reality.
After a long kiss, the realization of this kicks in. Wow, I miss him… the 15-second kiss just melts everything in between us that is keeping us apart. I remember that I’m not on my own. I remember how much I love to be with him!
Intimacy
You may not have even had it on your mind before, but after a long kiss, it’s crazy how quickly you want each other. In a marriage, this is a wonderful thing!
It makes pretty obvious sense that when my husband and I have been more physically close throughout the day, kissing, hugging, tickling, etc., our sex life is at its best.
Try It!
Do you and your spouse practice the 15-second kiss? How does it impact your relationship?
If you recently started making sure to give the 15-second kiss daily, how has it brought you closer?
Start taking a moment every day to kiss your spouse. Kiss them like you did on your wedding day! Kiss them like when you were dating and never wanted to leave at the end of the night. Do it every day!
You will be amazed at how close you feel and how excited you get to see one another again.
This is such a sweet idea!! I love it! 🙂
This is so sweet, thank you for the reminder Meagan! Life grinds us all down daily and it is critical to remember how important spouses are to one another. I love that you and your husband participated in this challenge because you are a priority to each other and you wanted to strengthen even more what was already strong. ÜÜ
This is so cute! Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I kissed my husband for 15 entire seconds. Haha. I’ll give it a go today, he will probably be surprised.
Well be forewarned… It may lead to more kissing. And touching. And other. 😉🤣
Aww, I love this idea! I’m sending this my husband’s way and proposing that we implement this immediately. Thanks for sharing!
This is a great idea, and now I want to try it! I’ve never really thought about how Long we have kissed for.
Starting tonight! 15 seconds and beyond!! Love this article, because it is so important to find ways to reconnect with your spouse and God. ♡
I love this SO much! My husband and I started our first year married with a rule to kiss for at least 10 seconds each day. Then after each year it just kept dwindling and dwindling. But your article truly lit a spark to reinforce that rule! I know my husband will enjoy the fact that it’s 15 seconds too and not just 10 (haha). Thank so much!
I’m so glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!
Aw I love that! I’m glad this was a good reminder!
I love this! A long kiss stops the world!
My hubby would love this. I am such a germ fanatic things have to be just right and I am not a cuddly person so this is super hard for me. Something I will need to do a ton of work on.
Loving this! I’m starting this today 😂😚 Thanks for sharing this is awesome!
What a great post. I think it’s a fun exercise for sure!
Thanks for sharing, good idea.
What an awesome post!! So many married couples would definitely benefit from this!! Love it!!
My husband and I have always been affectionate (it’s our shared love language). But since having kiddo number 2 we don’t always prioritize each other. This is a great way to reconnect and re-establish our bond to each other.
I love the idea of a 15-second kiss! How great.
What a sweet idea! I love this to reconnect with your parents.
This is such a great reminder to love on your spouse. Thanks for sharing!
Very sweet idea! No husband though. My dog is the main man in my life. But I can extend the idea to really giving my full attention and appreciation to my dog and kids when they are here. Thank you for the thoughtful post. Plus, I love this font.
I am snot mile but I remember my parents would kiss every morning before he left for work. I nice kiss usually at least 15 or more seconds. I thought it was the most wonderful example.
What a great way to instantly connect and deepen intimacy. Thanks for sharing.
I’m so going to try this, we could definitely use a revamp in our intimacy! great post!
This is SO sweet. Will definitely be trying this soon! Thanks!!!
This is so cute! I love the idea! People can get too busy and settle into quick pecks on the way out the door or onto the next thing. What a simple way to be present and mindful of one another! 🙂
I love this! You do sometimes forget to just stop for a few seconds and just be with each other.
It’s so easy to do.
Great reminder to spend more quality time with our spouse! Thanks for the post!
I’m glad you liked it!
Great reminder about connecting with each other and the power of a kiss.
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That’s so interesting! Thanks for sharing! I am spouse-less, but it’s definitely something to think about for keeping closeness in your relationship
So important and such a fun read too!! I love this, thank you for sharing, I know a lot of people will benefit from your message! 🙂
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Honestly this was a changer in my marriage, who thought that something so small and simple would mean so much and change so many things
I love this!!! ❤️
I love the idea of taking time to focus on each other. When kids are at home, it seems like it’s all about them and the relationship with your spouse get put on the back burner. Thanks!
Yes. That’s so true! Kids will suck up your energy, I tell ya!
Alright. I’m going to try this. It’s probably going to be silly at first too. Maybe I wont even tell him it’s a ’15 second kiss’. I’ll just do it.
Yes.. This is really the best way to do it. We, of course, were completing our daily “challenge” and so it was more set up :P. When I spring a 15-second kiss on my husband or vice versa, it makes a big difference in our moods
Wow this is a really great idea! I’m definitely trying this out 🙂
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Ok I’m on board for the idea of the daily long kiss - hubby would definitely appreciate more kissing. However I have to say I disagree with loving being interrupted during a task. I actually HATE when he does that - being stopped in the middle of a super important task drives me nuts and makes me want to be less affectionate, not more. I realize I seem to be in the minority here, but wanted to put this perspective in in case other people’s spouses feel this way too.
Of course! Every relationship is different. What is important is that couples are communicating with each other and doing what they know makes the other feel loved.