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When did you and your partner last go on a date night together?
Hmmm… oops.
It can difficult to arrange the time, especially if you have a chaotic schedule. If you have children to look after, it can be difficult to find a babysitter. And if you and your partner have work commitments, you might be too exhausted.
Consequently, date night falls low on your list of priorities.
Don’t Let Date Night be Forgotten
It happens to even the happiest of couples! I’m not saying, “If you don’t go on date nights, you must not love each other!” Absolutely not! Most of our marriage, we have not had what others would consider “date night.” This was simply because our focus was on kids, saving money, recuperating from a stressful week at work (uh, teacher and security officer for schools… Need I say more?).
But here’s the thing: your marriage may depend on it. According to The Date Night Opportunity by The National Marriage Project, date nights can foster more stable marriages. This means you are significantly less likely to call on a divorce attorney when your relationship struggles. If you take your marriage seriously, and we are sure that you do, you should make time together a priority.
For us, this didn’t necessarily mean a date night like what others think.
Sometimes, date night is making sure to put the kids to bed on time so you can do something alone. Other times, it’s going out to dinner while someone watches the kids.
The important thing is that you are making sure to make “date night” a regular and prioritized thing.
Why Date Night is So Important
When you take time to have a date night, you get to experience each other differently. There are some things that happen when you are finally alone together that can be very difficult when life is distracting you.
Communication
It can be very difficult to find time to talk with your partner when you have kids clambering for your attention, or when other things are distracting you such as the television. So often, I want to tell my husband a funny story from my day or read an interesting article to him. Two words in: “Mommy, I need…” or someone starts crying.
But if you commit to a regular date night, you will have the opportunity to have a real conversation, helping you to stay current in each other’s lives. You get to say those words of love that you might otherwise forget to say in the course of your everyday life.
Have Fun Together and Relax
There will be no diapers to change, meals to cook, or chores to be done. On date night, it will be you and your loved one, taking a step back from the usual stresses of life, and having the opportunity to kick back and let your hair down. You can do things that make you laugh. You can take part in activities you used to enjoy before your life became complicated.
Indulge in something romantic, to reignite the love you have for one another. It’s hard to feel romantic when just minutes ago, you were wiping a three-year-old…
For us it’s really important to have some moments that are just us. Even though we love our kids and we absolutely love doing stuff with them, we started to realize that our whole worlds were revolving around our kids. This isn’t really a bad thing, but it doesn’t help us keep each other as a priority.
Increase Commitment
By taking the time to commit to a date night, you are showing each other that you take your marriage seriously. You are prioritizing each other’s needs and actively doing something that will grow and strengthen the bond you have for each other. You will create new memories that go beyond child rearing and sitting in front of the television, and these will keep your love alive, even when you are caught up in your usual hectic schedule.
Nothing makes me feel more loved than when Max plans a date night for me. When HE arranges for someone to watch the kids, HE buys the tickets or figures out the schedule, it really shows me that my husband is truly committed to be together and remember each other as more than just “people who raise kids together.”
Date Night Ideas
If your like us, it’s just not very practical for us to do “dinner and a movie” every week. We try to find inexpensive and fun ways that we can spend time together.
Your “date night” as said before does not need to be something extravagant or expensive (at least, not always). For us sometimes it’s having someone babysit so we stay home and eat pizza and watch a rented movie!
Some fun, inexpensive date ideas:
- Visit the library together. Ok, for some people this might sound really lame, but my husband and I LOVE to go to the library or to a bookstore together! We get a treat at the cafe and just explore together. Sometimes we read side by side or we’ll watch a movie that is showing. If your library is like ours, they show classic movies!
- Go to the Museum. The museum is a great, free date! How much more romantic can you get than looking at beautiful paintings, sitting and admiring beauty? This is still one of my favorite things to together!
- Visiting a nearby arboretum or nature center. Chances are there are places that you can enjoy beautiful nature near you that are fairly inexpensive. We have an arboretum that we enjoy walking through hand in hand. Admiring the beauty of God’s creation, just talking and dreaming is a great way to spend time together.
And so…
Date night is critical to your marriage! Find that time to share with your partner. Mark a date in your shared family calendar, and book a babysitter in advance if you need to. If anything tries to impinge on the date you have set, do all you can to protect it, as you need to make date night a priority.
Your marriage might depend on it, so don’t let your love grow cold. Talk to your partner today, and together, think about the things you might both enjoy. Then commit to your plans, for the short-term and long-term future of your relationship.
How Do You Date Night?
How do you keep date night a priority in your relationship? Are you like us and try to find simple ways to spend time together or do you have a regularly scheduled day that is set aside?
I agree date nights are super important! Most of the time ours just consists of spending time together once our son is in bed. We go out every once in awhile but for most part will pick a day and play cards or watch shows together. Inexpensive and we get to talk and enjoy each other’s company.
That’s exactly what we usually do! We try to go out sometimes or do something special every so often, but mostly we just try to be together. The kids go to bed super early so a lot of times we can get a movie in or play some games. A lot of times it’s just sitting and watching our favorite show together! We just try to make sure that we are both giving each other our attention.
We actually do Date day:) we have 3 kids and somehow by the time night time arrives we often rather stay at home and cuddle on the sofa. My kids have a very consistent bedtime so it’s easy for us to have a few quiet hours together. However, we have the advantage of being able to free up our morning at least once a week so we head out to have a nice breakfast together or work out together. I agree with you about the importance of it - otherwise, you get lost in the logistics of running a family.
I totally agree! We usually spend time together after the kids go to bed too, but we often are just so tired by then! It’s nice to have something during the day!
Oh no!!! I do not miss those!
Just had date night last night! A diaper blowout accompanied it, but it made it that much more special!
Yes!! We agree that this is so important but struggle to prioritize it now with a baby. Thank you so much for the reminder!!
Yes, dating is soooo important. It’s hard to find time but I keep telling myself how important it is to make time.
Absolutely! For us as long as we are using the little moments that we find throughout the week wisely, we feel like we had a date night even when it’s hard to get out!
I love what you said about not becoming people who “raise kids together”. Life is brutal and when you are in survival mode, date night is often low on the list of priorities. I love it when my husband plans a date night for us and I know he appreciates it when I do for him. Thanks for this beautiful reminder Meagan!
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