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People come in many shapes, sizes, and forms. Two children raised in the same household, by the same parents, with the same rules, can be so starkly different! As humans, we have a hard time with differences at times. Unfortunately, xenophobia and aversion to others can be quite a common theme. Implicitly, people fear what they do not understand, and conflict can be born out of this. But on the other side of this, seeing differences in ourselves can also elicit fear. We see these differences and we think it’s wrong, or worry that we’re somehow not enough. As parents, teaching your child to accept themselves for who they are can be a daunting task!
We just want our children to see themselves the way we see them. As magnificent, gorgeous, little lights in the world! We love their differences and find joy in their quirks!
However, kids often see their “quirks” as defects that are too different or weird to be accepted. They can often see their struggles or mistakes as a character flaw instead of opportunities for growth.
Teaching your child to accept themselves for who they are is often the biggest and best lesson you could ever teach them. If you manage to do this, you have shown them that no matter who they are or how they develop - they have massive worth. But how can you allow a child to absorb this quite emotionally charged idea? Let us consider:
Allow Your Child to See That Nobody is Perfect
It’s a fine line and a cautious balance you have to draw, but there’s a chance that you can actually hamper your child’s competence by going too overboard with how you build their confidence. For example, teaching them to share when they play is important, but telling them to always give the other a turn no matter what can harm their confidence and sense of self-worth in play.
Having your child attend excellent speech therapy sessions while teaching them their impediment is nothing to be ashamed of is healthy. However, not giving them an opportunity to get the help they might need can only stifle their progress.
We don’t need to tell our kids they’re “perfect” the way they are, because we can ALL grow and learn. Telling kids this will hinder their growth and ultimately cause a hard fall when they inevitably come across something they struggle with.
Rather, allow your child to see that everyone has SOMETHING that they need to work on. This does not make them less valuable as a person or less loved! Even though we don’t need to be ashamed of our weaknesses, we should still want to make ourselves stronger. See? Difficult balance.
Give Rightful Praise
Of course, telling a three-year old that they’re finger drawing is the best thing you’ve ever seen is compulsory. It might even be true. It’s a miracle you’ve had a child and they’ve painted something for you after all.
But as they grow, telling them they are the best player on a field when they might not be, or telling them they are better than everyone can give them an inflated sense of self-worth when that comes crashing down. Just like telling them they are perfect is not a good idea, telling them that they are the best at something can have a similar effect.
Give rightful praise as they grow. This way, they understand values and attitudes they can choose will be the holder of their worth, not things they can or cannot change. This way they’ll see that the power of self-acceptance is always a choice they can make.
Rather than praising them as compared to others all the time (such as telling them they are the best on the field), start focusing on the work that they put forth to get to where they are. The talent was their choice through the dedication and practice they put into it. “Last year you couldn’t do a pirouette, and look at you now! You practiced and worked and now you can do a double Fouetté!”
Always Encourage Them
If you tell a child they can or they can’t, they will often believe you. Always take a positive option. Because tenacity and courage is always the victory, no matter if they fail in their pursuits. When you encourage them, they’ll know that despite their limits, they can always try.
Our job as parents to raise our kids well can seem so overwhelming! Encourage them, but help them make realistic goals. Show you love them exactly how they are, but encourage them to be better. Give them freedom to make choices but not too much freedom! It goes on and on.
Teaching your child to accept themselves is another one of those things. There’s no perfect way to do it, but showing your child that they are loved and valued no matter what is a great start!
