This post may contain affiliate links and we may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.
The hardest part of being a parent is getting the balance right when it comes to the independence of your children. Obviously, a baby isn’t independent at all, so you have to figure out what you should expect from them. Doing everything for a child isn’t going to give them the life skills they need when they become an adult. But how on earth do you get the balance right? Preparing your kids for the “real” world while still taking care of them does not have to be difficult. There are simple things that you can do every day to help your child be independent and set them on the path to adulthood.
Preparing Your Kids for the Real World Through Independence
Independence is huge for me as a parent! I am a firm believer that if they are capable (developmentally, physically, mentally) then they should be EXPECTED to do a task on their own.
This is why I absolutely love the Montessori Method of education. My son recently started going to a Montessori preschool, and they expect them to do a lot!
There are actually lot of things during a regular day that we as parents do for our children that they can do themselves.
You would be surprised at just how much your little one is capable of! Children are actually able to take care of a lot of their needs independently. All they need is guidance.
Example:
Every day when we get home from daycare, my one-year-old sits down takes her shoes off, takes her socks off, puts her socks in her shoes, then puts her shoes in the correct designated area. She just does it.
I thought back to my son (first child) and how often I sat him down and took off his shoes and put them away at this age. Again, if the child CAN do it, have them do it!
Remembering your child’s limits is important for this. Expecting my three-year-old to mop the floors and cook dinner is no more effective at building independence than expecting nothing! Having age-appropriate chores and tasks that your child consistently does helps raise their confidence and builds independence.
My one-year-old can take off her shoes and socks independently but still needs some help getting them on. But she can fasten the buckle and after I help her put her shoe on, she fastens it.
Give Them a “Paycheck”
In a previous post, I wrote about how rewards should not be given for doing expected housework. I still believe this when you are trying to instill good habits for young children. When you start giving treats and rewards for the things that they already like doing, it can hinder motivation. However, giving a paycheck to older children who have already built these habits does have benefits.
The way that parents approach this should be in a way that helps children learn responsibility and helps them understand the way in which the working world operates; you work hard and you get paid for it.
Your kids can use that money to treat themselves to things. They’ll learn financial responsibility this way. At first, they might want to blow their money on candy and cheap toys, but they’ll quickly learn that they have to save up for the things they really want.
Budgeting and Saving
Help your child learn how to budget and save. Encourage your child to save a certain amount of each paycheck and make decisions about how much should be spent.
If they want a certain toy then you could remind them that they’ll quickly be able to buy it if they set aside some of their earnings from chores. It’s good to gain these financial skills as a young child.
This delayed gratification is very important for preparing your kids for the real world. When your child wants something, encouraging them to work and save for it teaches them to have a better appreciation for their things and also gives them some preparation for what adulthood will be like.
When they already have financial skills, learning how to pay bills and manage their budgets as adults will be much easier.
Another way in which you’re preparing kids for the real world by giving them pocket money for chores is by teaching them skills through the actual chores. As adults, if we don’t clean our house and do our laundry, well then it just doesn’t get done!
Unless you are making enough to hire someone to come clean and cook and do all of your chores, you have to know how to do it yourself. Allowing participation in household responsibilities is an important part of preparing your kids for the real world
Get Them to Take Their Health Seriously .
Another key aspect of preparing your kids for the real world is getting them to take their health seriously. They won’t always have you there to sneak broccoli into their meals or encourage them to go for a bike ride.
I can honestly say that this is a HUGE struggle for me, which is exactly why I’m putting it here. As an adult, keeping myself active and healthy is not a skill that I have. It’s absolutely necessary though!
You have to teach them why it’s important to stay healthy. You have to lead by example. If you want your kids to go to bed early so they get 8 hours of sleep then you need to do the same. Children are massively influenced by their parents, so be the right kind of role model.
The same goes for staying active. If you want your kids to get out and exercise then go for a walk or a bike ride with them. If they always see you sitting on the couch then they’ll do the same. Again, this is where I struggle I am totally a couch potato, but I’m working on it!
Make sure they also brush their teeth regularly. It’s all about forming good habits that’ll stick with your kids for life. Nobody likes the monotony of repetitive chores, but we all brush our teeth in the morning and the evening because it’s a habit we formed as children.
Make Health a Priority in Your Home
You should also find a family dentist and healthcare providers that suit all of you. It’s important to show your kids that the dentist can be a welcoming and friendly place. That way, they won’t put off making dentist appointments when they’re older. This is also true of the doctor. Make sure there are some doctor’s visits that do not involve shots!
Again, you won’t always be the one making these decisions for them. And many of the habits we develop as kids really do stick with us throughout adulthood.
Teach them how to cook.
As mentioned throughout this article, a big part of helping your kids to gain independence is teaching them the skills they’ll need when they become adults.
Giving them chores to do will teach them household responsibilities, and teaching them how to be healthy will ensure that they can look after themselves when you’re not nagging them to brush their teeth or eat their vegetables. But even if you’d rather control the meals yourself, there’s no harm in teaching your children how to cook.
Get Your Kids Involved
Growing up, my mom often expected us to help with dinner. It was not “go play so I can get dinner ready. Sometimes it was just Mom cooking, but usually we contributed in some way. It might be that I was in charge of stirring the sauce because that’s all I was really capable of doing.
Although, it is usually easy to get things done without the kids getting in the way, if you are preparing your kids for the real world, they will be a part of the day to day chores and “real world” activities.
Find a way to include your child in preparing dinner with you! Think of where they are, developmentally, and find a task to match. With little ones, they might just be in charge of handing
As they get older, you could encourage your children to prepare their own lunches. Making a sandwich is straightforward, of course, but it’s all about encouraging independence. Once they hit their teen years, you could let them prepare a meal for the family. Obviously, you might have to oversee your kids at first to check that they’re using the oven and other equipment safely.
The point is that cooking is one of the most important life skills a person can learn. If you want to ensure that your children eat healthily when they leave home then you need to teach them how to prepare nutritious home-cooked dishes. You don’t want them ordering delivery or buying ready-made meals for every meal.
Preparing Your Kids for the Real World Take Patience!
Helping your child grow independent and preparing them for the real world is as simple as allowing them to try! They won’t be able to do things perfectly or as efficiently as if you did it for them.
Part of the struggle as a parent with helping your child be independent is having the patience to allow them to struggle through putting their shoe on or their clothes without jumping in to do it for them. Sometimes we just want to get it done, and other times we have a hard time watching them struggle. Either way, it is often a conscious effort to let a child be independent.
What About You?
What is a strategy you have implemented to help your kids grow in their independence? How are you preparing your kids for the real world?
This is a great reminder to us all. If they can do it… let them do it! To be honest I think my husband needs this advise more than I do. She has him wrapped around her little finger. LOL.
haha So true in our house too!!! The way the kids are with me is so different. My son acts helpless around my husband and he doesn’t even bother to ask me to help him until he’s tried at least like 10 times, then he’s finally like “Momma, will you help me?” He just knows I’m going to make him try it on his own first lol
Great information. I have to share with my daughter in-law. Maybe she’ll listen if she heard this from someone else….lol.
SOOO much here, my goodness! excellent. the expectations i have for my kids are almost always met, and keeping them high is a challenge for me… i need to remember!
Really enjoyed this article.It’s refreshing to hear a parent speak sanity in how to raise children.
I loved Montessori for my kids! Great tips!
These are great! I can tell you from experience these are excellent and really help when it’s time to transition into adult world.
I like the idea of a paycheck. They need to earn their money! Using the word allowance just isn’t the same.
Really great points on your post
These are awesome. I do all of them with my kids. Another thing I do is encourage them to try new things like a new food or a new experience.
Yes! That’s a good one!
I wholeheartedly agree! My first is only 5 months, but This is our plan and we talk about it often.
So many great tips and it’s so important to remember to have them do it on their own. So many times it’s just easier to do it for them but in the end, that doesn’t teach them any of what they need to know.
I love the idea of having them cook with you! I didn’t learn to cook until my early 30’s, and I’m finally at the point where I can put dishes together in my head and have them come out how I want them to. It’s a skill that will help them their whole life and be a strong memory.
Such great ways to prepare your kids, my husband and I did the same things. I wonder if anyone ever feels like they’ve totally prepared their kids, just do the best you can.
I don’t think anyone REALLY feels like their kids were completely prepared. My mom did a great job and I still hear her say things like, “I wish I had taught you all how to ______ better…” She was AMAZING at teaching independence, but she still finds things she missed!
I struggle with this sometimes because I just want to get things done quickly. I have to remind myself to slow down and be patient. Thanks for this!
I am pretty sure we ALL struggle with it! It’s easy to forget when you’re just taking care of business!
I absolutely LOVE what you said about teaching kids to be responsible for their own health. I feel like that is something that I am subconsciously still taking all the responsibility for, even for my older children. This is something I will be re-evaluating now…. Ü
This is an outstanding post full of great advice. I wish I had this type of information when I was raising my daughter. I love all of your points - it’s so spot on (especially looking in hindsight!!).
Thank you for this! So many parents just let their kids go…they let them graze like goats and never really teach them anything. It’s almost like they expect the kids to learn by osmosis! I am thankful that all three of my boys have learned to do their laundry, cook, budget, etc. It’s slowly disappearing - I teach college composition and it is often scary to see students unable to make simple decisions!
Great information. I think parents get so busy they forget or don’t take the time to let children do something because it’s quicker to just do it themselves. Your article is a good reminder of why it’s so important to make the time.
I agree with everything you said and you offered some really good ideas and suggestions. With what you said about your kid being capable, its so true. My daughter WAS capable of putting on her own jacket probably for way longer than I made her try. I just thought she couldn’t so I didn’t push her to do it. It’s amazing. to see what they can do.
I totally agree! I don’t think people realize just how much their kids are capable of! I’m amazed every day at the things my little one year old can do!
I love this! My daughter is almost one and I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m big on learning independence
All GREAT tips!! We are raising three boys and have worked very hard at instilling all of the above in them. While personality still contributes to which habits they choose to keep or toss aside for a period of time (cough, cough, college), I love the fact that my boys can cook, clean, do laundry, make healthy decisions (most of the time) and speak with each other if something bothers them. It’s not easy - never perfect…but worth every single stressful moment of the process.
Ha! Yes, so true! I guess we can only do so much as parents! The good thing is it’s always there somewhere… Even if they forget for a while.
This is such an excellent post. Pinning for later!
Great post! We have 5 grown daughters. Good to see parent instill this in children.
Love this! I’m a teacher, and I know it’s so tempting for me to do things I know they can do to save time. I need to remind myself of this.
This is such a great post! The only thing I would add is volunteering! It’s important to teach kids to give it back! Great post!
Love this post!! I am such a big fan of letting children do what they are capable of. I think it helps them to continue building skills and often helps with so many power struggles because they get the chance to be independent. Right now, we’re working on letting my baby sleep independently. It’s so hard for me not to pick him up as soon as he starts fussing. But he’s learning to fall back asleep on his own and does great when I give him the chance.
I think that is the hardest stage with independence. It’s like you have to find a balance. You want them to start learning how to self-soothe but also, they’re just a baby… lol And of course every one has a million and one opinions about it!
I agree with ALLL you said! I am the same way in my parenting, along with being a teacher. The kiddos have MUCH more independent skills than parents think. I actually have taken some Montessori training and have taught in a building that offers that. I did some of it in my classroom, but not to the full extent of other classrooms, due to my children having different needs. Thanks for sharing!
I totally agree with parents not realizing what their kids are capable of. If you expect it from them they will meet the expectations!
[…] a classroom, it is very easy to tell which children are expected to do this regularly at home and which are not. When I say “OK, clean up your area,” there are […]
What a great article. I am very open about money in front of our kids because I want them to know how to save on their own. I love the idea of a paycheck too as opposed to an allowance.
Thank you so much, Monica! I agree that being open about money and talking about the budget with them is an excellent thing to do.
I love the Montessori Method. I plan on implementing that when I have children in the future.
I really have fallen in love with it! It’s amazing how much kids learn when we just let them do it naturally!
Great tips for teaching kids independence! So important these days.
I love your focus on health! We really try to do this in our house. Neither my husband or I were given much advice on health growing up. We had amazing families, but unfortunately just never received that kind of guidance. When we talk about our food, exercise, and everything else, we discuss with the kids about why it’s good for them and how being healthy helps you live better and longer.
I will have to admit, my husband is definitely the more health-conscious of us. He models being active and all of that WAY better than I do. I make sure they brush their teeth and all of that 😛
My kids are very independent. Partly because when you have so many siblings, kids have to step up and do somethings themselves or they will have to wait forever till it’s their turn. Like lunches for school. My 4th child starting packing his field trip lunches in 1st grade because I had forgotten once to pack it (I was a single mom with 5 kids, the youngest under 1, working part time and going to college for my masters full time). The teacher called me and I quickly brought his lunch over but he didn’t want that to happen again so he started to do it on his own and had it done before I could start. Seriously though, by letting your children try any independence, encouraging them, and supporting them will lead them to independence. Parents got to let go…that’s how we all learned.
I do wonder how to teach financial independence when you don’t have extra money to give to your children to practice with. I try to do so by example and being open about where the money goes that mommy makes, since I’m barely covering just our basic needs. I pray this will work as I keep lines of communication open always.
I think that is awesome! Honestly including them in talking about money and letting them be a part of the process is probably even more effective because they are seeing it with real world expenses. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job!
My parents never had a ton of money but did pay for school lunches. Instead of paying the school directly they made us responsible for it. We could choose to make our own lunches and keep the money or we could use it for lunch money. I think as long as you are doing SOMETHING to instill financial responsibility the kids will benefit!
Thank you for sharing this post. I agree with you. I am a single mom and my daughter has her own responsibilities. The world is not a nice place and things will not get done for you. Children need to learn to do things on their own and understand how to do them.
These are great tips! We practice mindfulness in all things in our house, and independence is a big part of that. Even down to spelling. My six year old will ask me how to spell “life” and then spell it for me. Haha.
I’m working on teaching both of my children the line between asking for help and doing it for yourself. Great post.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I love that you are working on mindfulness in your house. I feel like it’s a part of EVERYTHING! I love when they start understanding how they can work out a problem on their own! As a mom, it’s so amazing to see your children grow and learn like that!
Excellent info! I love having my son help me out with dinner. I have fond memories of cooking with my mom too! Independence and responsibility will help kids out so much. Thank you for this information!!
[…] Preparing Your Kids for the Real World […]
[…] Those early years of learning are so vital for little ones. When babies are born it is reported that their brain is around a quarter size of a fully grown adult brain. But by the time they are three years old, just three years old, it is nearly the same size as a fully formed adults brain (around 90%). So those years are so important as they do so much learning and growing in the time before they are even in school. Here are some of the things that you can be doing to help your child to have the best possible start off in life. […]