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How am I getting over the guilt of leaving education? Well, the fact that I’m really unhappy right now is helping, but that guilt can still pop up.
This week I have been having a lot of difficulty wanting to write. I’m sure it happens to every blogger and writer out there. I mean, there’s a reason “writer’s block” is a well-known phrase! Part of my lack of interest has been my emotional exhaustion and frustration with things that are going on in my school. Then I made the realization that other teachers who are struggling with this might benefit from my thoughts.
I have touched on this subject a bit in talking about WHY I need to leave. Today, I’m focusing on getting over the guilt of leaving education because I feel that teachers, whether they have decided to actually leave or not, all struggle with guilt.
Why Do Unhappy Teachers Stay?
Part of what has always kept me from leaving the education world is guilt. I am not really special in this, I have found. Watching interviews and talking to other teachers this is the one common word that comes out of their mouths: GUILT.
Most other jobs, if you’re unhappy, you quit! Most of the time, people don’t really fault you for leaving a place that you feel you need to leave. If your mental/physical/emotional health is taking a beating, it’s completely understandable to just find something new.
However, we as teachers just don’t feel justified. I have thought a lot about this and I came to the conclusion that part of what makes it hard to leave is the reason we came in the first place.
Ask any teacher, “Why did you want to become a teacher?” The answers will vary slightly but MOST will say something along the lines of “I want to help kids learn,” or “I wanted to be there for kids who didn’t have someone to love them,” or “I find joy in watching children grow and learn how to reach their potential.”
Do you see where I’m going with this? Teachers start out as freakin’ angels. We CAN’T leave because then what does that mean? We DON’T care about those kids anymore? We DON’T love to see kids reach their potential?
GUILT. GUILT. GUILT. GUILT!
Getting Over the Guilt of Leaving Education
So how do we go where we can be happy without feeling so completely selfish? How do we get past the feeling that we are just abandoning our students?
The biggest thing that really changed my thinking was this thought: Am I really being what I need to be for them if I stay? Then my guilt was not as big of an issue.
You’re NOT Helping the Kids
Let me be more specific. If you are UNHAPPY then you are not helping the kids. It doesn’t help the students to have a teacher who is worn down, too stressed, miserable, or whatever.
Patience, energy, innovation, creativity, joy, endless PATIENCE… did I say patience twice? These are the qualities of a teacher.
Becoming burnt out means that it is difficult to be all of these things for the kids. Therefore, it is difficult to be the teacher you want to be. The moment I really realized this was the moment I was able to make the decision to do what I needed to do. I realized that while, yes, I’m showing dedication and commitment to the kids by staying, what quality of teacher are they getting from me?
Eye-opener.
It Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Care (Or You Hate Teaching)
People ask me what I think about teaching and I say, “I LOVE teaching. I HATE being a teacher.” Yes. It’s different, I promise. You might think, but as a teacher your job is to teach…
If only… Teaching was such a small part of my job as a teacher. In fact, in the building I teach in, I get to do very little of it. Behavior has become a big hindrance in schools. With very little that the teacher can actually do about it without support from parents.
Not being able to be the one to take care of it all does not mean that you don’t care. It just means that you need to take care of yourself for a while.
On top of the guilt of feeling that I’m abandoning my mission, I have felt that guilt of “I paid thousands of dollars to get a degree in TEACHING… I can’t bail on it.’
Well guess what… There are ways to use that degree that don’t involve being in a school. There are other ways to teach as well as jobs that will value your educational experience.
What, in Your Life, is Suffering? Is It Worth It?
There are some teachers who are rock-star teachers, rock-star parents, and rock-star spouses. They’re awesome and should be treated like the super heroes that they are. For many of us, unfortunately, being a GOOD teacher means that something in another part of our life gets neglected.
Being a rock-star teacher means a LOT of extra time and energy. You are only given so much plan time and the rest of your day you are ACTIVELY involved with children. This means that grading, lesson-planning, creating teaching aids, designing projects, etc all happens on your own time.
If you see a teacher that has super creative and unique lessons this means that she spent hours of her own time creating it. If she didn’t design it, she probably at least found it and paid for it from Teachers Pay Teachers then spent the time to cut and paste and make a ton of copies.
For me this meant that either I was a great teacher or a great mom/wife/adult who takes care of bills and the house… When I was a great teacher (let’s be honest, even when I was just an OK teacher) my home life suffered. When I got better at home, my teacher life suffered because I stopped spending personal time on school stuff. If I couldn’t get it done in the 50 minute plan time then I didn’t do it. It was not a good school year…
You have to decide which is more important for you to take care of. My kids and my home are mine to be there for. There will be a teacher to take my place when I leave. My kids need ME to be their mom.
Getting Over the Guilt of Leaving Education - It Really is Okay.
So what does this mean for you? Well, it means that you shouldn’t feel bad about needing to change career paths.
We all need to think about what is good for us as well as for our family. For my family, being a school teacher wasn’t our best life. I still will be teaching (check out my posts on VIPKid), but it will be very different.
If you’ve thought about leaving education or have already made the decision to find a different path, it really is okay. You do not need to feel guilty about doing what is best for you.
Please share!
Don’t forget to pin this article on Pinterest or share with a teacher friend who wants to get out of education but can’t bring themselves to do it.
So much gratitude to you for even teaching at all! I’ve always thought I would have loved to become an elementary school science teacher but I never pursued it because it just seems like our whole education system here in the U.S. needs some serious overhaul. From teacher pay, to their support, to the flawed testing standards it feels like it would always be an uphill battle. Kids and teachers deserve so much better!
I totally agree and I appreciate your comment! What you said about the US education system is so true. I had to find a way to teach that I could really enjoy and felt that was effective.
I’ve been teaching for twenty years in a secondary school in the UK and I’m hoping for a new career path. I just can’t sustain the energy needed for another twenty years.
Twenty years is awesome! I always thought I would be a teacher for the rest of my life. Then it just seemed to not be right anymore. I want more than anything to just be there for my kids. It’s possible that I’ll go back, but for now… I just need to know that I am doing my best at whatever I am doing. I’m not doing my best as a teacher right now.
Girl, I love how you wrote this. I’m not a teacher, but work in a school district and closely with so many teachers. The burn out is real, and it can be intense. You need to do what is right for you and your family, and I’m so glad you did!
Thank you. I just tried to be honest.
I am not a teacher but I can relate to this before I left my corporate job. I was not doing anyone any favors being miserable. It was time to get out of corporate life.
Absolutely. I have read your story on your blog and I related so much to what you were saying about leaving your job. It was actually so encouraging to me when I read it!
I can not agree more, that when the teacher is unhappy, he/she can not help the kids! You should always do what you believe is right for YOU. And it does not mean that you don’t care. Opposite, it means that you DO care! Thank you for sharing this
Thank you! I tried to just be honest. I think people tend to put teachers on a pedestal and we start to feel ashamed when we aren’t Ms. Frizzle or Ms. Honey. Honestly, sometimes I feel more like Ms. Trunchbull (Matilda reference, because well, I’m a school teacher!… haha)
I understand searching for your true happiness! It can be a challenge for sure.
Meagan, I am so blessed to be able to read your blog. A teacher had to teach me how to read, teaching takes a special person, and you are special! I am so glad that you decided to put your family first, your unhappiness affects them as much as it does you! Throw that guilt out the window, you have made a difference in many children’s lives and now it is time to make you and yours happy! God bless you and your family, your new career is out there waiting for you!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Looking back I think of all the great times that I DID have as a teacher and the beautiful moments I got to witness with my students. I am thankful for those times and I hope that I was a blessing for some kids out there.
There’s a lot here that I need to think and ponder on - especially considering some decisions about my own teaching life. Thank you so much for sharing. I needed to hear all of it.
You are so welcome and I’m so glad that it was what you needed.
The world needs teachers who love what they do and why they do it. But the teachers need to feel respected, fulfilled, happy in their careers as well. Make your life what you need it to be.
This is so true. Once you become unhappy in any profession its time to go. My son’s Kinder teacher was clearly very unhappy her last few years and her class suffered because of it. We had a rough year. I ran into her in the grocery store a year after she retired and she was like a different person! Letting go of the guilt and listing to your gut is huge.
I like what you said…that it doesn’t mean you don’t care! You do. So much so that you want the very best for the kids. Guilt is a burden to carry. So glad you are doing what’s right for you and your life.
Love that you wrote this article! So many teachers need to hear this. My mom taught for years, and she was amazing! You hit the nail on the head about the time and the toll it takes to be an awesome teacher and the reality of it for teachers who have their own families. Thank you for sharing your experience! 💖
I have friends who are teachers and your post spoke to me about their personal struggles. They love the kids. What they don’t love is the “drama” or the administration or parents who simply refuse to be a parent. As much as it saddens me to see a teacher depart, you are correct: burn out in any field happens. Glad to see you’re still teaching though! Thank you for teaching our youth! And for being honest. People need to understand teachers have feelings too.
oh my gosh, i feel guilty about leaving that career behind all the time!!!! The stability, the fact I’m not doing my part in the world….
I feel ya!
Change is sometimes good - hopefully a new outlook will help going forward. There should never be guilt for doing what is right for you.
I’ve taught school for 23 years. It has gotten harder and harder each year. I transferred to a different school this year. It has made a huge difference in my stresslevel and happiness. Hopefully I can make it 7 more years!
Yes! I think I would have changed schools if I was going to stay. I just wanted to stay home with my kids! It was a combination of doing what I’ve always wanted to do (stay at home mom) and just really feeling DONE with teaching. Changing environments would have been my option if I couldn’t stay home.
I was a teacher for 7 years before I left to stay home with my boys. I definitely felt the burn out. Although, I didn’t feel as much guilt as you are writing about since I was so excited to finally be able to stay home with my kids.
Great article, and no matter the profession if you aren’t happy then you can’t help anyone!
I could not imagine the stress you have experienced ~ wanting to just teach, but having to wear so many other hats. You’re right, though ~ if you’re unhappy, how can you be of any assistance or benefit to anyone else. Wishing you all the best with the changes you make to find happiness!
[…] am filled with guilt. Guilt because, more and more, I feel myself no longer feeling that love. Guilt because I know a […]
I agree…you need to do what is good for you. If you aren’t happy then you can’t make other people be happy either. Kids are super smart too. If you don’t want to be there they will know.
Absolutely! And that doesn’t help them at all! The children in my school are surrounded by people who don’t want to be around them every day. When they can sense that you don’t want to be there, they will sense it and it will be just another person that doesn’t want them in their eyes… 😢
My mom was a teacher and I grew up around so many of her teacher friends and I can say that teaching is one of the hardest jobs out there! I am sure it was hard to leave 🙂
I can’t even imagine how hard this decision was to make. Teaching has to be one of the best, yet challenging, career choices I can think of. I would love to see a post about why you ended up making the choice to leave and maybe what our education system is lacking for our children and teachers.
This is so profound and so misunderstood in our society! My mom, husband, and sisters are teachers so I understand a lot of these emotions. I also understand a lot more than most people what teachers deal with and what their family members deal with. Bless you for sharing this article but even more for giving so much of yourself to others throughout your career ♥
This is such a great post!!!!! You are amazing and explained this so well! Thank you for everything that you do you!
Oh my goodness. This was EXACTLY the article I needed to read right now. I’ve been so burnt out and struggling through this school year, then I found blogging and was thinking of how my life could change if I didn’t need to go to work every day. My students seem apathetic to the extreme and it really wears on me. My husband and I just had a talk last night about leaving education or looking into alternatives. Thank you for your post. I will definitely be sharing this.
I’m so glad it spoke to you! Thank you for sharing with others who might benefit from hearing that it’s ok to do what’s best for you and your family. Good luck on your next steps, and feel free to reach out to me!