There are many reasons why I’m writing this letter. In many of my posts, I talk about the stress, frustration, and emotional exhaustion that I have felt as a teacher. I am sure that every single one of you can relate to this. This letter is to inform you that I will not be returning next year. Not to the school, not to the district, not to teaching.
I want you all to know that it is not because of the school staff. I am amazed at the strength and tenacity I see every day from people who are (sometimes, literally) beaten down constantly. I seriously admire you. I am in awe by the women I work with (before anyone screams, “MEN ARE TEACHERS TOO,” I am talking about specific people I work with) who have been teaching for 35+ years! Not just teaching, but teaching where it is hardest. Teaching where they are needed most.
We do tend to de-stress by “venting” about certain students, but, more often than not, it’s followed by “I just wish I knew how I could help him… Even when we “can’t stand” a certain student, our desire is to help them and show them the way. That is a strength that often is not recognized in teachers: that our response to hateful words and belligerence is to keep trying to love and help. Which brings me to why I’m leaving…
I am filled with guilt. Guilt because, more and more, I feel myself no longer feeling that love. Guilt because I know a lot of people count on me. Guilt because I know that we work in a community with a lot of trauma and a need for committed teachers. Guilt because I go to work absolutely dreading seeing the students when I know I should be committed to loving and caring for them. And on a deeper level, I do. My heart aches for them and the situations in which they have unwillingly been placed. I also know that me staying while unhappy really doesn’t help them. Those kids need to be surrounded by love. The problem is I no longer have the capacity to give all of my emotional strength every day to them.
Before I had children of my own, it was still hard, but my students WERE my children. I could give them everything. I could stay late trying to find new strategies and making my lessons match their needs. My husband understood and supported. I could lose sleep thinking about how I was going to somehow reach that one student. I could take the time to cry when I got home on a rough day.
Our students need to have teachers that can give their all every day like this. Right now in my life, it’s not me. My priority is my children right now. When I come home angry, frustrated, or sad, it takes away from my own children. I can’t come home and shut the door to recover from the emotional, physical, and mental stress that has been laid on me from the day. I can’t do that to them. So something had to give, and it was my work life. And when it really came down to it, making so little for such hard work just wasn’t worth it! I could stay home and do “side” jobs that were less stressful and more enjoyable and, with how much we save on daycare and other school expenses, still support my family. That was an eye-opener for me. Realizing people who did not have degrees, who did not have the intense workload, who were not responsible for the safety and education of 25-30 kids, and who were not getting profanities screamed at them every day for simply existing were making MORE than I.
So I will be staying home and doing things that I love. Taking care of my children, working online, managing my household, and writing. I am sure that someday I will return to teaching when my children are older and I can give more. I am hoping by then, maybe our country and policy makers will figure it out. Maybe they will learn how to keep teachers in the field by making the work environment safer and compensating them what they deserve.
So, teachers, you are amazing. I truly hope that it gets better. I hope that teachers start getting the help and support that they need. I pray that class sizes get smaller, testing is lessened, and workloads are more manageable. I pray that teachers are no longer EXPECTED to give their non-contract hours to do their required work. I hope that it is no longer EXPECTED that you provide the supplies and materials that you need in order to teach. There are so many other things I hope. I hope that you will no longer have to worry about students threatening and assaulting you or your other students and no one coming to help. I pray that this actually starts getting taken seriously instead of acting like a student punching another student is a “classroom issue.”
Stay strong, teachers. You are the toughest and most giving people I know.
With all my support,
A soon to be ex-teacher
Thinking of you, Meagan. A very thoughtful letter to the people who need it. I am proud to have taught alongside you and am happy you are making the choice that is so right for you and your family. You changed many children’s lives for the better. I miss you dearly and hope, one day, you can return to teaching when it is right for you.
I miss you so much! Your name has come up so many times this week and the new people just don’t even know… I try to tell them. I say, “Oh, she was just the most amazing teacher ever (still is)!” And they say, “Oh, that’s cool.” And I’m like “NO. You don’t understand. She was what every teacher dreams of being! Half of the stuff we do here is because of GRACE FOURMAN!” lol. I hope everything is going well for you!
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Wow! Indeed, teachers are overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. I am not a teacher but a SAHM for a long time (before going back to work). I have met a lot of teachers and I am friends with some of them. I know their struggles, and their frustrations. You have to do what you have to do! You need to take care of your children first before anyone else’s children. I admire you for making a stand for yourself. Good luck!
Thank you! It’s going to be a big change!
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