My Leap of Faith

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When it comes to life choices, I am a planner. Day to day I’m cool with flying by the seat of my pants most of the time, but when it comes to big life-changing decisions, I like to know exactly what to expect and KNOW that it is going to work out how I planned.

Both my children have Summer birthdays, because I’m a teacher and having a baby in the beginning of the summer where I don’t have to worry about missing work (or going to labor at work) and creating long-term sub plans is just easier.

When we decided to have another child I had a plan for how daycare would not cost us more (or at least not feel like it). I taught Summer School right before the baby was born for extra income and put all the money I got into a separate “daycare” fund along with the money we received from our baby shower. This paid for her daycare for almost a year so we still only felt like we were paying for one child. I knew that at age three I would be able to get Theron into a free preschool and started laying the way for that very early (best decision ever! Read my post on how Montessori has benefited my kid in “5 Ways Montessori Has Changed My 3-Year-Old.”). So by the time we ran out of the daycare fund, Theron was headed to school which put us back to just one kid in daycare and she turned one which lowered her rate.

I don’t like to miss school (like ever) so when I was pregnant and knew I would have to have frequent doctor’s appointments I planned ahead and worked it out to where my days off were the days that I went to the doctor and the days that I couldn’t work that out I made sure to take the last slot at the doctors so I only needed someone like an ELL teacher to cover my class for 30 minutes at the end of the day (no trying to book a sub, no sub plans!). The second pregnancy, my plan time was at the last part of the day so it was even easier.

I like to make things work without a lot of extra work. I like to know that financially we’ve got it all figured out before making a change. I like to be sure.

So this should tell you that this decision to become a stay-at-home mom has been a HUGE leap of faith for me. I do have a lot figured out about our finances and all of that, but this is the least certain I’ve ever been about how things will work out.

So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. -Genesis 50-21

This morning on my very long drive dropping the kids off then going to work, I was praying and contemplating this. I was thinking about how I keep oscillating between certainty and fear. I feel certainty that this is what I want and should do. This is what we need for our family. Fear because of the uncertainty that I feel in how it will all work. I thought about how God tells us to be at peace. That we do not need to feel like we need to take care of everything on our own and we can trust.

As a Christian, this might be one of the hardest things for me-Trust. I always feel that I need to take care of everything (see above). I don’t even ask or expect my spouse to be a help either. It is all up to me to make sure I make enough to make up for quitting my job. That I work everything out. I have to remind myself that I’m not doing this alone. I have a partner in my husband and he will do what he needs to just like I will. I also need to trust that God will provide.

My “leap of faith” truly is going to be that this time. Feeling that this is what I need to do and where I need to be, I need to trust that God will take care of us. That if I fail in some area, if my “plan” doesn’t work like we thought, we WILL BE OK.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, of power, and of a sound mind. -II Timothy 1:7

The Bible reminds us not to fear over 100 times (many people say 365, but many of these instances are a different context that does not really apply). God does not want us to worry! My favorite verse that I have hanging on my wall at home is “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, of power, and of a sound mind.” -II Timothy 1:7. One of the reasons this is such an important verse to me is that I really need to be reminded sometimes.

When I was a child my mother taught me this verse when I was scared at night. It gave me power over my fear and I have carried it with me always. But adulthood and motherhood brings a whole new set of fears. This new time in my life will be when I need to remind myself of the spirit of love, power and sound mind that has been given to me. I need to remind myself that I can find strength in others, my husband and my family members, and I don’t have to do it alone.

Are you needing prayer or encouragement in taking a big step? Maybe you are on the same journey as I am. Let us encourage each other! Maybe you are taking the opposite step and leaving the stay-at-home parent life behind. Whatever your “leap of faith” is, don’t be afraid. Work hard, but also trust God. Find strength in others! If you don’t have people near you to find encouragement find it here! You are strong, you are powerful.

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